Sunday, December 24, 2006


What a big girl you are! This Friday I took you to the physical therapist, more to show you off than to excersize you. You seemed pleased with yourself too, and didn't hesitate to show her how you could crawl (Crawl!) now.

More than that even!

One day your Daddy sat you in the crib, then sat down on our bed to chat with me. I looked over and there you were, standing in your crib. "Did you put her in there like that?" I asked? "No I did not!" he said. Holy Pete! Crawling and pulling to standing, all in the space of a week.

And just to put a cherry on top, you sprouted another tooth.

I'm so pleased with what you've pulled off this week.


Sunday, November 26, 2006


Oh daughter that I love, it's a good thing that you are so, so cute, because you have been a very needy thing this week. You couldn't help it though, and we really don't blame you. You were miserable sick with a cold. Your nose ran. You wouldn't eat. You had a fever. You didn't feel good and you were cutting a tooth on top of all of this.

Every four hours or so I would have to give you medicine, but you hate how it tastes, and you would gag (if I was lucky) or barf (if I wasn't). I learned to try and slip it into your bottle, but that meant you had to drink all of the bottle I put it in, and you were really uninterested in eating.

Your cold was not put on hold at night, which meant that you still needed loving and holding and rocking almost every hour. Someday you will have children, and they will get sick, and you will find yourself at your wits end. Remember this: It won't last forever. Your kiddo will get better, just like you did. You can make it through any hardship if you know there's an end in sight.

Love you all to pieces,

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Sweet Pea

Can you tell how cute I think your Halloween outfit was?

The cutest ever.

I don't have any pics of your Brother in a sweet pea suit, even though I was dying to put him in one when he was little. At the time they were more expensive and I had less money. The suit put me in a mood to compare how things were for you and your brother. You play with some of his old baby toys, much like he played with his aunt and uncle's old toys. You get your belly kissed by your Daddy, while his Daddy had only seen him twice by the time he was one. Of course, he had me all to himself for sixish years, which is something you'll never have. He was the healthiest, happiest baby ever, while you find a new way to worry us almost every month. And last but not least, both he and you had 11-ish year old boys loving you all to pieces.

Your brother loves you so much. Sometimes he cries because he worries that he won't be a good brother to you someday. I don't even know what he could mean. He tickles you and feeds you even when it bores him to tears. One time he accidentally bumped your head, and he cried harder than you did. I suppose one day you guys will have your moments, but you'll have to take my word for it that he babied you hard when you were tiny.

Love you,

Saturday, October 28, 2006

In which my Mom comes to visit

This week has been a doozy. Your grandmother came for a visit, and instead of greeting her with a giggle and a coo you cried at her, which was the first time you'd shown any signs of having stranger anxiety. If she or her husband talked to you from across the room, you'd smile coyly, then bury your face in my chest. And you were always burying your face in my chest because you would not let me put you down. Eventually you warmed up though, and sat in her lap and pulled at her face and anything else nearby. You warmed up to her husband to the point you'd cry if he left the room. Go figure!

You went to physical therpay for the first time this week. You cried at the therapist, of course, she being a stranger. Since you wouldn't let her anywhere near you, she got out a baby doll so she could show me the moves. You were so excited. You bounced up and down and stuck out your tongue- sure signs you're pleased. When we go to the hippy mom's club meetings you get excited to see the babies there too, but I won't let you stick your fingers in their eyes or bite their hands. This baby was much more fun.

After therapy, Mom and her husband took you to Walmart to pick out a baby doll of your own. You are very pleased with it. I have to admit, though, that your favorite toy of all is The Tag. The tag on the butt of the doll, or the bunny, or the boppy, or your clothes, or the blanket. You loves you some Tag. Ribbons are good too; some of your toys have a ribbon on them and you'll happily suck on those too.

Hope you stay this easily amused,

Sunday, October 22, 2006


This week has been about your lovely little bobble head. For most of your life your Daddy and I have been thinking it rested less than squarely on your shoulders. We did mention this to your Dr, but he said to wait aand see if it would get better. It got better, but it didn't go away. I did some reading on the internet last week and discovered that you should be getting physical therapy and he should have diagnosed the cause.


I took you back to the Dr and got him to agree that it would be ok if you went to therapy.

We'll be finding another Dr.

I should have done the research when I first noticed it, but I trusted him to tell me if it was a big deal. It's not a BIG deal, but attention should have been paid that wasn't. The good news is that this will be resolved before you're old enough to notice. You'll read about my maternal guilt and wonder what the hubbub was about.

It's about how much I love you, and how precious you are to me, and how devastated I am that I could cause you even the tiniest it of harm by my inaction. One day maybe you'll have a baby, and then you'll know for yourself.

I love you and your crooked head,

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Zen Baby

You and I went for some Mommy-Daughter time while your brother was at his acting class. You lay tucked up in my lap at the coffee shop drinking a bottle of boob juice. I had a cup of decaf. We sat at the counter because the space in the little shop was precious.
Another mommy and her daughter sat next to us while they waited for a table to clear. The daughter said you were the cutest baby, which, of course, you are. The Momma said that you had a calming effect on her. I told her your initials spelled Zen. She said it fit.
I agreed with her at that moment. When you are at peace you fill the room with goodness and light. Everyone wants to snuggle with you. Everyone wants to stroke your downy hair.
And it doesn't take much to keep you content, just a bottle and my arms. Unfortunately there are times when you can't have those. These are the times the world comes unhinged. You're unhappy and no amount of reasoning will do.
At these times everyone is driven to distraction. Your Poppy will wake up out of a sound sleep to see why you're crying, even though he knows I'm taking care of it. Your brother will drop whatever he's doing and run through the house to see what happened to you. All because they can't stand for you to cry.
Which is as it should be.
Your father and I do worry, though. Which is also as it should be. We worry about how the least little bump makes you scream in the most un-zen-like way. We worry about how long you cry afterward. We worry about how long you avoid something if it gives you grief.
My wish for you is that you find your zen. That you keep exploring and reaching out to the world even after it kicks you in the teeth. That you take your sads and your happys together, because you can't have one without the other.
I hope that you live life to the fullest.

I love you,

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Discovering Trouble

You now roll across the floor with ease. I can't leave you alone to play with your toys, because you'd rather roll over to your Poppy's shoes and suck on them. Your loving Brother is frequently called into duty to shepherd you back to your toys. He sits you up in his lap and lets you watch as he plays his gameboy. Sometimes he zerberts your belly. Sometimes he all but ignores you as he reads a book. Sometimes he takes you to his room and finds something interesting for you to play with.
I think it won't be long till you crawl. Right now you can reach, roll and squirm your way to things you find interesting. We've started to baby proof the house. You are lightning fast at spilling our coffee or grabbing our eyeglasses- I know there will be trouble when you can create disaster anywhere in the house.
And this week your second tooth definately came in. We weren't sure till now if we could feel it or not, since your first tooth was so far ahead of the game. Since we can actually see it now, we're sure.

Love you!


Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sitting Up

I was trying to get you interested in your toys, and after I sat you up I tried backing away to see if you could do it on your own. And look! You could! Your Poppy says you've been doing this for a week. Somehow I didn't know.
Such a big girl!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

To my Daughter:

I love you so much. You are so precious to me, and to your family.

I wish I could promise to be a perfect mother. The only promise I can keep is to be the best mother I can be.

This is a journal about you. It is going to be a record of how you grew up. Other Moms give their children baby books; I hope you forgive me for doing this instead.

Your Mom